We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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