Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
