Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
