Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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