She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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