I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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