So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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