Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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