That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
