i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
