This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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