nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
