He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
