Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
