I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
