Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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