you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
