I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
