i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
