you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
