Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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