i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
