I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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