just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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