new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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