I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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