I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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