just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We have started to decorate penises.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
