Can Purell be used as lube?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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