Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
