he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
