her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
