i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
