i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
