The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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