That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
