Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
