Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Semen is not good for contacts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
