I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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