I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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