Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
