Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
