I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
