i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
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he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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