Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
