I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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