its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
