love makes seman taste better
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
