As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
