the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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