the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
