You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize