So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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