I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
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Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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