some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's blow job season.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
