and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she told me i tasted like america
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
