Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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