I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
