i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How external is "for external use only"?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
