we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
