Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish you could order shots online.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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