..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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