The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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