Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
