We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
