sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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