Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
