the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
