i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
