Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first