your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
