I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
