his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
