i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
