Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
