i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
