i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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