Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
