trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You pole danced in your parka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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