just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
