soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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