So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
