Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
